Here I go again. Halfway through the semester and already I'm thinking about suicide. Not that it matters that much, it's just a petty thing I go through every semester. No, I won't bitch about anything, because bitching won't do me no good. Maybe cry, yes, and whine, go emo over these simple things that right now seem incoherent and clear at the same time.
It'll be a year by Valentines Day. That's nice. A whole year. Really, I appreciated it. one whole year. Thank God for that one whole year. But then, I think that one whole year is enough. Let me start over again. Another chance. That's all I need. One more stab at this crazy thing. If it doesn't work, to hell with it. I got through one whole year without it. What's a lifetime compared to that year?
I've been mean. Not that I meant to. I guess it scared me, made me terrified to know there is that possibility. We've been good, we've been close, we've been friends. But I'm not sure we could ever go beyond that. I'm petrified; too much similarities made me think I could never lie, never hide anything, never have anything I could call my own. Too much in common made me ponder whether I'd become too attach, and maybe, in the end, get all broken up into pieces. Again. All over again.
And nothing is ever good. Nothing is ever as it should be. Please stop time. Everything is going out of whack. I'm confused. I'm baffled. I'm going crazy. I'm tired. I'm spent. I'm helpless right now, and no one's there for me to hold on to and lean on. I don't want to cry on my own, and yet I find myself shamelessly crying, without even an idea why I'm all teary in the first place.
It was never my fault. I'm sorry. But it really wasn't my fault. Was it really that bad for you to blow off? I didn't mean it that way. Sorry, but as much as I want to give you time and space, I want you to know that I, too, was offended. Grudges were never a part of me, and yet why do I feel that I may hold one against you?
For you, whom I like, and yet cannot admit my feelings to, I LOVE YOU. There, I said it.
For you, who I have done wrong, yet feel that you have wronged me also, I AM SORRY. I apologize for the pain that I may have caused you. But please know that I'm also in pain too.
For you, who have tried your best to make me feel good about myself, THANK YOU. It was futile, yes, but the fact that you tried was well appreciated. Do not worry, I shall get through this. Somehow.
And for you, yes, YOU, know that there will be a day that all of this will come to a close, and then everything will be as it was. Do not favor or stress over one day, and feel that the other days are negligible, for all days are equal and all of them are special. Just remember that for as long as the sun rises, there is new hope for a new beginning. Another chance. Another you.
Please close the window. Please close the doors to the balcony. Please hold me. I just might jump and die.
I am depressed. Inflate me.
It'll be a year by Valentines Day. That's nice. A whole year. Really, I appreciated it. one whole year. Thank God for that one whole year. But then, I think that one whole year is enough. Let me start over again. Another chance. That's all I need. One more stab at this crazy thing. If it doesn't work, to hell with it. I got through one whole year without it. What's a lifetime compared to that year?
I've been mean. Not that I meant to. I guess it scared me, made me terrified to know there is that possibility. We've been good, we've been close, we've been friends. But I'm not sure we could ever go beyond that. I'm petrified; too much similarities made me think I could never lie, never hide anything, never have anything I could call my own. Too much in common made me ponder whether I'd become too attach, and maybe, in the end, get all broken up into pieces. Again. All over again.
And nothing is ever good. Nothing is ever as it should be. Please stop time. Everything is going out of whack. I'm confused. I'm baffled. I'm going crazy. I'm tired. I'm spent. I'm helpless right now, and no one's there for me to hold on to and lean on. I don't want to cry on my own, and yet I find myself shamelessly crying, without even an idea why I'm all teary in the first place.
It was never my fault. I'm sorry. But it really wasn't my fault. Was it really that bad for you to blow off? I didn't mean it that way. Sorry, but as much as I want to give you time and space, I want you to know that I, too, was offended. Grudges were never a part of me, and yet why do I feel that I may hold one against you?
For you, whom I like, and yet cannot admit my feelings to, I LOVE YOU. There, I said it.
For you, who I have done wrong, yet feel that you have wronged me also, I AM SORRY. I apologize for the pain that I may have caused you. But please know that I'm also in pain too.
For you, who have tried your best to make me feel good about myself, THANK YOU. It was futile, yes, but the fact that you tried was well appreciated. Do not worry, I shall get through this. Somehow.
And for you, yes, YOU, know that there will be a day that all of this will come to a close, and then everything will be as it was. Do not favor or stress over one day, and feel that the other days are negligible, for all days are equal and all of them are special. Just remember that for as long as the sun rises, there is new hope for a new beginning. Another chance. Another you.
Please close the window. Please close the doors to the balcony. Please hold me. I just might jump and die.
I am depressed. Inflate me.
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