Sophomore Blues : Always Be So Close, My Baby Bearhug

So you're about to leave for college (again), and your current fling, the guy who in a million years didn't cross your mind would someday play a part - if not the lead role - in your love life, suddenly admits he has feelings for you.

Finally, after approximately one year and three months (there is still some discrepancy as to when exactly the Mutual Understanding thing started) of vagueness and confusion (not to mention everyday unlimited texting - almost, not counting the semesters you were apart, in which case you each had your busy schedules to attend to and not enough allowance to support your texting fetish).

Finally, after having to tirelessly repeat to everybody who's itching to ask, "Kayo na ba?" that no, the concept of "us" does not exist (you always wanted to add 'yet' but stopped yourself - it is wrong to expect, or hope), simply because the rules of courtship, dating, and romantic relationships were not applied to whatever it is that the term "us" is supposed to be.

Finally, after being tempted to get too friendly with other cute guys who are, geographically speaking, closer to you, and then feeling guilty after, with the sense of betrayal and unfaithfulness (with a hint of polygamy) looming over your every thought, word, and action.

Finally, after feeling jealous over every woman (or, in his case, even man), of every age, color, ethnicity, educational background, income bracket, social status, hair type and length, height, weight, and vital statistics, who approaches and tries to engage him in conversation, attempts to make him laugh (additional loathing if she succeeds), asks for his help (seriously, the helpless-pretty-lady trick is soooo old school, yet gets him every single time), and manages to just get his attention for even a minute.

Finally, after beating yourself to death as to whether or not that smile, that touch, that gaze, and those words have a deeper meaning, other than that of what you can see, or hear, or feel.

Finally, after being kept in the dark, trying to let go, but being scared of doing so.

Finally, after wondering all this time if patience really is a virtue. And if things really are worth the wait.

Finally, after all these things, and more.

Finally.

That was all I could think.

That was all I could say.

That was all that mattered.

*****

So does this merit David Cook's "Always Be My Baby" or Jon McLaughlin's "So Close"?

Better yet, does this merit anything at all?

*****

I want...

I need...

I'm missing...

I'd like to give...

I wish for...

I long for...

I hope for...

I would die for...

a bearhug.