My reflections on Sean Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens.
Halatang crammed eh. HAHA.
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Being the eldest of six has probably shaped me into being proactive, not only for myself, but for six people. I literally had to take the blame for my younger siblings, being the eldest and all. But then I realized that that’s a different kind of proactivity. It wasn’t until I got into college that I learned what it meant.
Being in college, away from the prying eyes of my parents, the constant bickering with my siblings, and all the hoopla of home does have its perks. But being on my own in this vast, foreign land called Diliman did make me realize that all that hoopla’s well worth it than being a stranger in an even stranger place. UP is a hodgepodge of the widest range of people you can find, and so it doesn’t take a genius why someone such as poor little old me would feel kinda left out and lonely, amidst that big of a throng of people. Add to that the fact that we don’t always come into terms. It’s especially hard to compromise with reactive UP students, given that their from UP (haha), and their revolutionary ways (just kidding, ma’am).
But rather than mope around for the rest of the semester, trying to show the world how pitiful I was, being alone and all in this university, I took action and made some friends. Sure, it was kinda hard at first, considering our differences in language, religion, beliefs and ideals, but rude comments and bitter words didn’t get the best of me. I made it a point to be extra patient during the start of the school year, and considered the reason that maybe some of them are like that because, like me, they’re in an alien place, and are also just as scared as I am.
It’s hard to be proactive when you’re not familiar of the place you’re in, or the people you’re with. But with a little patience and wide grin, maybe being proactive can go a long way.
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Everybody has an end in their minds, even if that be in a span of 50 years, a decade, a year of two, a semester, a week, the end of the day, or until I finish this paper. Goal-setting is as much a part of our daily routine as eating, breathing, sleeping, and cramming (for students like me). But then, we’re talking about a different end in mind.
Here’s what I have that I can relate to Habit Two: my goal upon entering the university was to graduate. Just that. I wasn’t a slacker; but I knew I’m not that much of a genius to even dream of graduating with honors. Then a lot of things happened that affected my goal. I got a scholarship that forbad me from shifting. I had a taste of becoming a College Scholar. I found out that if I graduated on time, I could part of the 100th batch of graduates of the university. I also got enticed with the idea of being selected to deliver the speech in behalf of the graduates. So my personal mission statement evolved overtime. Here’s how it looks now:
PERSONAL MISSION STATEMENT
Graduate.
Graduate as a BA Journalism major.
Graduate as a BA Journalism major on time (by 2011).
Graduate as a BA Journalism major on time and with honors.
Graduate as a BA Journalism major on time and with honors, and maybe deliver the graduation speech.
And then it occurred to me. I’m in UP. So, once again, I added another change:
Just graduate.
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As much as I’d hate to admit it, yes, I am a procrastinator. A self-confessed procrastinator. It’s not that I’m ashamed of admitting it or anything; in fact, it gives me great pride to be one, considering how I’m able to cram a 30-page written report on Adam Smith overnight (without plagiarizing anything at all - promise!). I hate to admit it because I’m writing a reflection paper on this book, meaning Habit Three hasn’t kicked in (yet - I still have 29 days). But, yes, I am a procrastinator.
Sean Covey was right when he talked about the adrenaline rush one gets from procrastinating. It really does give you a feeling of power, being able to beat the clock, pushing your brain cells to the limit, resisting sleep and overcoming hunger just so I could keep my butt seated for another two hours or until the paper’s done.
It’s even a bigger and better feeling when you hand in your work, the paper crisp and warm from being newly printed, the words still ringing in you ears. As you heave a big sigh of relief, you feel this great rush of adrenaline. You bask in the glow of triumph as you say to yourself: “Ha! How’s that for last minute cramming! I barely made it to the roll call!” and mimic an evil laugh similar to that of evil stepmoms.
But then I’ve had my share of mediocre papers, too (this one would actually count). And every single time I get my papers, with mediocre grades, I find myself musing: “What if I’d made this paper earlier than I did? Maybe I could have gotten an uno…” Needless to say, cramming and procrastinating isn’t that much fun when the results come in. Sigh. Maybe I should promise myself not to procrastinate anymore. Yep. This would be my last.
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Give and take, that’s what they call it. It was even taught to me when I was little. I was told that I should learn how to compromise whenever the situation calls for it. So I grew up with the notion that everything can be settled with a compromise. Lahat napag-uusapan. I didn’t know it’ll be call Win-Win as you get older.
I’m faced with situations that call for me to think Win-Win everyday, especially when I’m at home. Being the eldest of six, I have to compromise with my younger siblings or else all hell breaks loose. But then again, it’s not a Win-Win situation all the time (lucky me if it was); I sometimes either have to win it all or be the doormat.
Same goes for my parents: I’m given my limited set of freedom in exchange for the responsibility I’m willing to shoulder. Sometimes, I even stretch a mile or two just so I could prove to them that I’m more capable than they think. And - guess what? - it usually works.
Win-Win also works for me when it comes to group projects, especially when you have group mates that are more or less not that cooperative. I once had a group mate who was willing to shoulder the expenses in exchange for doing nothing. That was an easy compromise, considering how I so hated to shell out too much cash for a project and how much free time I had in my hands. It was a done deal.
See how much fun thinking Win-Win can be?
*****
This is where I’m good at. As much as I am a gregarious and vivacious talker, I can also be a silent and understanding listener if you need me to be. But then, given how the former has exceeded the latter, only a few, intimate friends know this little fact.
We all know that humans are in need of understanding; that the need to be understood surpasses the need for anything else (I think). Just as we are all capable of lending an ear to those who need one, we have a much greater need to borrow one ourselves. This makes it difficult most of us to really listen, when in fact we are really itching to talk.
Another problem with listening is how we sometimes misunderstand what are spoken what are really meant. This usually happens to boy-girl relationships, where the slightest hint of sweetness could be misinterpreted for something far greater than friendship. Which is why sensitivity is very much needed in times of conversations.
I remember telling a friend of mine that I liked a boy. Days later, I heard rumors that I was crushing on the same boy. See how the slightest alteration of meaning can make a big difference? I could like the boy, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I like him in that (romantic) sense.
Which is why I’ve to be careful with what I say, as well as to fully understand what the other person is trying to tell me. There is a big difference with liking and crushing someone, just as there is a big difference with listening and pretending to listen.
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Teamwork. I’ve gone through a lot of these that I’ve practically developed a need to be part of a group or team. And who doesn’t? It’s nice to know you’re part of a secure group that’s willing to lend help and comfort when needed.
The first time I encountered synergy was with this book. At first I thought it had something to do energy (syNERGY - the ‘y’ sounded like an E). And I was right - sort of.
Synergy is the collective effort (or energy - depends upon how you use it) of a group of people to do something, resulting in a endeavor that would have been futile had it been individual efforts.
Covey said to celebrate diversity. What better place to do so than in UP, a melting pot of big variety of people? It is in this university that I was able to appreciate fully each and every individual, regardless of race, age, gender preference, nationality, religion, or region. It made me open to how vast the world really was.
I used to be locked up in a place where Filipino and Bisaya were the only dialects spoken (trying speaking in English and you'll be labeled a TH). Then I got into UP and, well, got to experience every single dialect known to man (or Filipino). I was also able to experience different kinds of customs and traditions of different religions and regions.
How’s that for celebrating diversity?
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It was in sophomore year in high school when I first laid eyes on Sean Covey’s The 7 Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens, piled high amongst the other teenage self-help books my aunt from the States sent us back home in Davao. The cover caught my attention: blue denim and a bright red background, it seemed liked a good read. Of course, I chose to dismiss the notion of doing so, considering how it was stacked with other “boring” books on how to deal with your angst, family, love, school, peer pressure, and other teenage hoopla. I opted for a copy of Teen People magazine instead, and forgot about the book.
Now, usually upon taking a dump, I choose a good book to take with me to the bathroom; this later turned into a habit. One fateful day, I was in a hurry to do so that I just grabbed the first book I could lay my hands on and rushed to the toilet. As luck would have it, I’d laid hands on the book, and since I’d already started doing my deed, I either had to read it or poo while staring at the tiles. I chose to read it.
And so I met one of the books with the biggest impact on my life in the bathroom. I finished reading it in a week; then I read it over, and over, and over again. I simply loved it. It made such an impression on me that up until now, four years later, I can still remember passages and quotes from the book. It’s been a year or two since I last read it, having lost my copy to a friend who must have also loved it as much as I did that he didn’t bother returning it. It came as a nice surprise when we were told to make a book review-reflection on the book; it was like meeting a lost friend, after a long period of time apart.
Thanks to CWTS for helping me get reacquainted with the book. Thank you for helping me find my friend again.
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